Desperately Seeking Positive

Lately, I have run into this problem. I have been running myself against a wall for almost a year now. It is a wall of negative and harsh feelings. It is exceedingly difficult to cure yourself of such an ailment as this type of insanity. (Insanity being: performing the same action and expecting different results.) I recently came across a website called http://www.operationbeautiful.com/. It is a truly inspiring project that is meant to help girls realize that their beauty is present and alive. I have been really touched by the message, and I actually emailed the founder, Caitlin. I am going to be starting a club at the school where I teach that will be centered around this project. Our first meeting is next week, and I am super excited to see what kind of result I can get out of it. I want to do something important with my time. I want to do something for others. I have felt trapped in my current situation for a long time, and I have been neglecting my duties as a human being to get over it, move on, and help others do the same with their situation. This life is far too short for this kind of unhappiness. There are things I want to do, places I want to go, and experiences I want to share. Now is the time! Now is when I need to get off my self-loathing butt, and put my mind to work on something positive. If only things were that easy, right? I know that changing a mind, or rather changing a heart, takes time and support. These journeys from out of the gutters are never quick and easy, and often come with backsliding moments, and difficulty. Depression is a hell of an addiction, and can be tougher to kick than people think. Even as I write, I am battling the moment. So no letter today. Really, I just wanted to blog about what was going on after so long of not expressing myself. This morning, one of my previous letter recipients passed away. When I look back at the letter I wrote to her, I think about what she would say to me now. ...I am pretty sure she would smile, make me a sandwich and some tea, and comment on how lovely the day is and how nice it is to be outside, thereby reminding me that all these things I worry about are incredibly small, and of no real importance. What a beautiful woman she was. There are so many of these people in the world that most of us take for granted. Hopefully, I can put myself back on a path of appreciating them. So my dear readers, if you are out there still, thank you. Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting me with your comments, and stories. I will try to keep you all updated on the progress of my new club, and I will definitely have more letters to come. My love and prayers to you all. --Me